Hey from Norway
Okej ska vi ta ett inlägg på svenska då? Ja tja varför inte. Synd att bloggen blivit så tom och tyst. Jag saknar den. Men jag tror när jag är ständigt runt människor har jag som sagt inte tid att reflektera och tänka på samma sätt, vilket kanske e lite synd. Jag saknar ju att skriva ut mitt huvud.
Jaa okay så back to reality var det då. Har jobbat i 10 dagar nu, fortfarande kvar i Norge / Danmark på jobbet och är inte helt säkert på när jag får ledigt. 10 dagar är också lika länge som jag har varit i Norden. Jag vill kalla det "hemma", men det är ju inte det. Danmark är inte hemma mer, Norge e inte mitt hem heller och denhär gamla militär basen vi bor på när vi jobbar är inte heller hem. Fast jag vill kalla det hem, och det är ju bara hur man väljer att se det, för just nu ÄR det mitt hem. Och jag fortsätter kalla mej hemlös och nomad, för that's what I am och that's the way jag vill ha det. Så, endera kan jag se det som att alla platser är mitt hem eller så är inget mitt hem. Nåja hem hem förblir alltid mamma o pappa i Finland, men MITT hem har jag inte haft sen jag med tårar i ögonen lämnade Fyn i Danmark för nästan 2 år sedan. Det var MITT, vårt, hem. Sen dess har jag varit hemlös (eller har haft över 100 andra hem). Och lär förbli det på obestämd tid. I'm not done with the world yet.
Okej nog om hemlöshet. Hur känns det? Hur är livet? Det känns bra. Ärligt talat, förvånansvärt bra. Bättre mentalt än förra årets säsong start. Men det är också det vad jag önskade. Jag minns inte vad det var för typ 2-3 veckor sedan, om det var ett stjärnfall eller en ögonfrans jag blåste iväg, som jag gav önskningen om att jag hoppas det ska gå smärtfritt mentalt att återvända till jobbet. Everything you wish for.. Så.
Som sagt vet jag inte när jag får ledigt. Jag gör ju ett säsongs jobb som vi jobbar 14 dagar, har ledigt 14 dagar, jobbar 14, ledigt 14 osv osv hela sommaren ut och det sker på havet mellan Danmark och Norge. I know, it's perfectly good för mej och för sommaren. Men grejen är den jag försöker byta om lite med en kollega i hela sommar schemat, och i sådana fall vet jag inte riktigt när jag får ledigt. Egentligen är det ju skit samma. Jag har ju inget liv, ingen människa, inget hem eller något som väntar på mej. Jag behöver väl egentligen inte veta NÄR jag får ledigt.Jag behöver bara gå från jobbet ner till tåget, köpa en tågbiljett till Köpenhamns flygplats och hoppa på ett flyg till wherever och vara där i 14 dagar och komma tillbaka tills jobbet börjar igen. Jävlar vad fri jag låter? I am.
Fast uppdrag nummer absolut 1 när jag får ledigt är att återförenas med min backpack. Haha eh ja nej, jag har inte den än. Den ligger i Danmark och väntar på mej. Allt jag har här i Norge är hårborste, tandborste, tandkräm x 2, deodorant, body spray, smink, 1 bok, 1 keps, 1 solbrillor, mobilladdare, hörlurar, trosor, strumpor, 1 topp, 1 tights, 1 par skor, 1 bh och 2 lånade hoodies från Miami. Och en flygplans filt. Det lät ju relativt mycket, men läs igenom det igen så inser ni det är typ verkligen ingenting. Japp, skojar inte, det är inte mer än så jag har. Och ärlitgt talat, jag känner INGEN, kille eller tjej, som skulle klara leva på endast det. Och det har jag nu gjort i 14 dagar. I och för sig känner jag heller ingen som är som mej så fair enough.. Men jaa, om ni inte förstått det än så har jag en otroligt primitiv och simpel sida av mej som verkligen inte kräver något som helst. Tur är ju det med min livsstil och levnadssätt.
Det var väl allt jag ville dela med mej just nu. Sakta men säkert ska det väl bli mer uppdatering här. För ni fortsätter ju kika in, lite nyfikna och fundersamma e ni ju iaf. Eller? Ja tja, har ju alltid sagt jag skriver bloggen stor del för min egen skull, för att mitt huvud behöver det. Så jag kommer nog alltid skriva här oavsett om ni läser eller inte.
The more I see - the less I know
I've become fluffy
Or no, I forgot it's a open blog I write on as it was a private diary.. Well anyway, I've gained 5 kilos. Or well no. I actually don't know what I gained. Somehow it feels like nothing, because I have no idea of how and when it happened, but looking at myself in the mirror after coming back to reality I definitely can see something happened. But the reality really hit when I did a health check up for seafarers where they also checked my weight, and the scale said that my weight was something it hasn't been for 5 years. Or well, it's not THAT crazy, it's like 1,5 kg more than what I was for some time last summer, it's 4 kg more than after the Camino, and it's 3 kg more than what normally my body stays around, but it's 6 kg more than I wish to be. So okay it's not crazily amount of gained kilos we're talking about here so everyone chill down. 4 kg on 5 months is pretty much a don't-worry-amount.
But I'm pretty much 100% sure it's not any whatsoever muscle mass, so 4 kg fat isn't that much of fun. Fun during the time getting it for sure, but having it isn't so fun no.
This is a pic from Mexico, one month ago.
Another Mexico foodporn pic..
This is Aspen when a drunk donut guy invited me to his little donut grill and thought us how to make donuts.
This ia Miami 2 week ago.
And I say I don't understand what happened? Oh well... Somehow the pictures tells another story.
No honestly I often order pretty health eating out. Chicken salad is a big classical dish I love to order. The thing is the portions are always drowned in dressing, and sized for 2 persons.. And I always eat everything and anything in front of me. Also the nachos and bread served on the table before the main meal.. Okay enough with excuses, I obviously been eating unhealthy and I've got fluffy. That's just the obvious truth.
But anyway I'm sooooo eager to loose this weight. So so so hell-yeah-on to get the exercise going again! The thing is I easily over do things I'm keen on. Like my main concern right now, what one side of me wish to do, is to eat too little and work out too much, just to be booom all in let's do this and loose 6 kg in a month. But no, chill down, be patient Jess. Healthy weight loss takes time. And it's okay! Anyway, a Norwegian gym membership is made. And I'll be hanging out there as much as I can 2 weeks every month when I'm living and working in Norway for the summer. And the cakes, pancakes, biscuits and sweets standing in front of me the everyday whole days at work haven't so far and will not be touched by these fingers.
6 kilos 12 weeks - let's do this!
To live a life
This is what I wrote on Saturday.
Oh damn här kommer alla känslorna på en och samma gång. Alone time for the first time in a month, here comes the time to reflect and think. Creating thoughts into text. Sharing it on the blog. You're welcome.
So here comes the update, about my weekend. Weekends. My week, weeks. My last days and week and month. What's been up? Omg. Let's take it shortly first what's been up since last update, since Mexico.
Sunday 3 weeks ago I was in Cancun Mexico, where I had spent sick coughing days sleeping on a sofa to all inclusive luxuriously fun sunny days. The Monday after I had 12 hours in Dallas Texas. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday I woke up in Aspen Colorado. Friday I saw the sunrise over Miami Florida. Saturday morning I put my feet for the first time in South America. Sunday morning I woke up after a wedding in Santiago Chile. Monday morning I landed back in Miami Florida. And my plan was to leave Monday evening to Europe. Have I said I hate to plan? Waste of time and effort. Right. Still saturday morning when my absolutely last minute plan, and the day I had to be in Scandinavia, I still woke up in Miami.
When I'm writing this is Saturday afternoon (to be honest I wrote down Friday because I really thought it was Friday) I'm sitting in a Airberlin plane from Miami on my way to Düsseldorf. In Düsseldorf I have a flight to Copenhagen and there I have another flight to catch to northern Denmark. Yes, it's time to get back working. I'll be one day late to my season job start (I HATE being late. It's on my hating list. So if I'm late myself, oh damn fucking no I'm not proud and feeling so stressed about it) but I'll be there. Destiny didn't let me leave Miami. I spent hours at the Mia airport, being there 5 times in the last 5 days. That's the thing with standby travelling, if the flight you've reserved is fully booked - it's fully booked. You'll stand outside your gate watching every single passengers getting on. In the absolutely end of boarding, at the this-is-the-final-call-gate-is-closing-time , if passengers are missing, they'll throw standby travellers on board. Yesterday I stood outside my gate, on a AA flight I NEEDED to be on. I knew all the flights for the day was 100% full, but I just had to get on one. Because if not, I don't know how to tell my boss I'm stuck in Miami when I should be on the other side of the earth in Denmark. I didn't get on. Just another night in Miami.
About planning. I used to hate not having plans. I needed to know what's going on. Even if I always been living after the go-with-the-flow-philosophy I always been needed to at least have a little bit of ideas of a plan, because it makes me feel I at least got some control. But it slowly have faded with travelling through the years. Still one year a go I had the need of knowing a little bit of my plans. The Camino walk scared me because that was the most ridiculous thing to do without plans. But the Camino walk thought me so much, which I ones again should not get talking about, but I got to know everything will be alright. Like KNOWING, not just saying it and pretend to believe in it. No actually knowing and feeling EVERYTHING WILL ALWAYS WORK OUT AND BE OKAY. Doing standby flying is very important to know that. It's a gamble. Will you get on will you not. Will you be in another country tomorrow or not. So fuck plans, because there's no guarantee for anything. But in the end - you'll be alright because whatever happens is supposed to happen exactly that way. And second of all, it's ridiculously FUN to have no plans and literally go with the flow. Because having no plans gives the opportunity to say yes to everything and anything.
So after Mexico me and my blondie had no plans. No actually, after Ultra Music Festival a month ago I/we had no plans. NO plans. Not kidding. Or yes, a ticket to Cancun. But not even a from-Mexico ticket. But I actually had a flight reservation FROM Jamaica to London for the 12th April. Okay? Yeah well, that didn't happen. Instead, this is how my/our month turned out instead.
Spontaneous joining some guys we met on Ultra Music Festival in Miami, joining them to ASPEN. Freaking fucking Aspen I know. Fucking hell that was unexpected. Flying Cancun to Denver. Palmtrees to snow. Wtf. So unexpected. But damn so fun. That feeling I had skiing down the slopes I can't really describe. I guess that's the feeling I always am chasing. To be so freaking high on happiness. Like omg. I don't know what it was, because honestly I'm not that into skiing and snow, but damn I was happiness high. We lived amazingly luxuriously good too. Like damn yeah, I can't describe that Aspen trip more than #highonlife.
Straight after, I got invited to a weekend in Santiago. Santiago, in CHILE, IN SOUTH AMERICA. Omg. I so wanted to go to South America and it just happened? So together with a guy I knew for 2 weeks I sat in total 16 hours in flights to spend 36 hours in Chile, attending a guy's (who I also met at Ultra) wedding. Hah. No seriously it doesn't get more crazily spontaneous than that, for sure. And omg how much fun. In Nicaragua I meet a German guy who told me "if you ever get invited to a Latino wedding - fucking do it!! It's crazy and such an experience." and who would have known that one month later I would experience it for myself. Omg yes it was crazily amazing and I'm feeling so blessed and grateful.
After that I got back to Miami, where I was literally stranded. I was supposed to be on a flight on Monday, changed it to Wednesday, missed 2 flights on Wednesday, didn't get on any whatsoever fully booked flights on Friday, and finally on Saturday got away.
I don't give a fuck ppl talk, which I know some of you already do, that's why I'm showing these pictures and telling my stories. Whatever it may look like. Escort sluts golddigers boyfriends sugar daddys? What is this? How can you girls afford travelling like princesses? You for sure having something dodgy going on. Or maybe it doesn't even look like that, but outside seen from these pictures - yes it looks like we have had it way too good, which we have had. I've been living in a fuck reality bubble the last month. Big time. I always been fuck society and reality, but this month been unrealistic. I've been so high on life, love, friendship, good food, adrenalin and music. I've felt so much and I've been in the present and moment, together with a lot of different amazing people who I've created an incredible friendship and memories together with. I'm, we're, grateful blessed and lucky. I, we, don't play games, I'm myself and are lucky enough to attract the right people to my life and I'm always eager to say yes to fun and new opportunities. I'm not scared of living, that's the secret to make magic happen.
I've been saying for 6 years, since I finished school, that I have no idea what I wanna do with my life - that's why I travel, to find what I wanna do. Travel until I know, just because I just don't know what else to do. Poor me, I don't know what to do. Don't know what I like. What I want. Fml I'm so lost. Everyone in the world knows what they wanna do, study or work with. But poor poor me is just searching. Wtf no, who got me to believe in that bullshit? Because that's how I've felt, sorry for myself because I don't know what I want. I can't believe it taken me 6 years to realise what the fuck I'm saying to myself. How can I tell myself I DO NOT KNOW anything I want to do with my life when there's one thing I know for sure I like and want? Travel. I fucking do wanna travel. That's what I know. Maybe I don't know what car or house I want. What kind of education I want. What city I wanna settle in. What kind of career. But what I DO know is places I wanna see. Adventures I wanna do. Just because I don't know what I want to do of the things society tells me I should do, doesn't mean I'm lost. I've only looked on that list, that this-is-what-you-should-want-and-do-according-to-society-list for years, that's why I don't find what I'm looking for because what I'm looking for is not on the society-list. And it's fucking okay.
Why am I writing about this? Because I will forget. I'm getting screwed by society when I'm in the reality, among "normal" ppl. I wrote this on the airplane, when I'm in a in-the-middle-stage. I know in a few days after getting going with working in Denmark I'll get a life crisis telling myself I can't keep on living like a nomad and travel. I need to become like everyone else around me. I need to have the dreams they're having. Career, education, work, house, family. The things we're told we want. How can I remind myself of that's not MY dreams. I remember how those feelings hit me after the Camino. Not just then, no, after every fucking travel. I'm so happy and fulfilled when travelling, no sorrows in the world with a only backpack as my home around strangers who understand my life view and desire to travel. But when coming back home I crash. Crash crash crash, because in "reality" none understands. I even loose the sense understanding myself in it.
Okay I really don't know what language I shall make this update in? My head is turned around to Dansk, så vet ikke om jeg skal skrive på dansk før det føles mest naturligt lige nu, men jeg tror ikke mange af jer vil forstå det. Yes okay so why is it Danish? I'm in Denmark. I travelled from Miami to Hirtshals. Yes, straight from South Beach to the windy north Denmark. Back to reality hellooooo. Yes no yeaah nah, I really don't know how I feel. I arrived Sunday evening (without baggage that I have no fucking idea of where is), I've worked 2 days now and tomorrow we'll be sailing to Norway and the job keeps going there 11 more days until my first vacation. And yeah, the whole thing is just not that it's a bit hard to go from being carelessly free and travelling for 8 months and then just kill it with going straight to work and reality (actually my body and mind have been so far handling that part surprisingly good), changing from the person I am travelling to the person I am in "reality", and doing it all without my life (my life is my currently lost backpack. Which includes my most precious thing I owe - my kitty cat Gullan. Yeah I'm stressed about it.) but it's just a bit emotionally hard for me to be in this country. I mean, I used to have a life in this country. Just going to the grocery store brings up memories from another life that I still haven't figured out how I feel for. I mean, it's not just Denmark, the same feelings happens to me in Australia, USA, Spain. At places I have strong strong memories from. But yeah I don't know, Dk is just a bit emotionally hard for me at times.
Anyway, more travel updates will come for sure! Got some deep ones written down during my long long flight that I'll probably share with you later on.
The see you later moment
All good things comes to an end and today it was the day I had to say #seeyoulater to this amazing team I've spent my days around the last 3 weeks. "Everything is temporary, what matters is the quality of the time spent". Thanks for providing me with the best #qualitytime I ever could ask for with laughter, smiles, love, friendship, travels, adventures, food, party and unforgettable good times and memories. #thanksforthememorie #highonlife #lovelovelove
I have so much I wanna tell. So much to share. So much. So much that I feel I just don't know how to start, or that I even can. The last travel month have just been a big amazing time filled with friendship, smile, laugh, love and unforgettable memories. But I guess I will need to reflect over it, which means I'll feel the need to write, which always seems to end up on the blog. So yes, you'll get some crazily thoughts and story updates about my last month for sure.
I'm the wanderess. I'm a one night stand.
Don't belong to no city. Don't belong to no man.
I'm the violence in the pouring rain.
I'm a hurricane.
Good Morning Aspen
0 hours sleep (okay perhaps 30 minutes) on more than 33 hours, 3 hours flight, and 12 hours waiting time in Texas. Omg. We're feeling like, and looking like, walking zombies. When I'm writing this we still have 2 more waiting hours, 2 more flight hours and a 2 hours car drive before we can get some sleep and we're finally at the this-doesnt-make-sense-to-us-destination. Haha, eeh yes we're going to the mountains, to the cold.
In exactly 2 weeks I'll start working in Denmark for the summer season. Yes. That feels unrealistic. Being back to reality, working mode? So, yes I'm actually travelling to Europe in about one week. Oh man, let's not think about that.. Because before that I'll be travelling to 5 different destinations. That's at least the plan. But honestly, there's never a guaranteed plan when travelling. Let's see what happens. But first, let's get to Colorado, to Aspen.
Partner in Crime
Okay sorry for such a incredible sucky update. I mean, where did all my deep thoughts I just need to share go? Well, since 2,5 weeks ago when I caught up with my blondie travel partner in crime I just think less. Not sure if that is supposed to be a good or bad thing? But I think it's a good thing for me. I'm very comfortable travelling alone, and I do think, reflect and analyse a lot when I'm alone. A LOT. So, travelling together with someone doesn't give me the "time" to make my brain spin around on thoughts. And I think this is good for me. For some people who need some kind of company around them all the time is good for them to be alone for sometime, I'm the opposite, so I think it's good and healthy for me to be around a friend 24/7 for a period of time.
And we are having soo much fun. I wish I could tell you guys all the stories we have together. But I can't put words on it. We're just a crazy team. We travelled together for 3 months last year, so by now we know each other pretty good. I actually think she's one of the few people in the world who actually DO know ME. We're the same in many ways, and in other ways we're so different. But in the end we are living after the same life philosophy, we're both crazily spontaneous and we both spread a lot of good positive energy and vibes. Which always seems to attract a lot of fun opportunities we always are happy and open for. Yes honestly it feels just simply like we're unstoppable and without limitations thanks to our desire for adventure and to say yes to anything and everything!
Our spontaneousity, which is very strong in both of us, gives and takes. Mostly gives in the most amazing experience and adventures. Saying yes and being spontaneous is one of the best things anyone can be to make life way more exciting, and doing it together with this girl it's always guaranteed ending up fun. But yeah being spontaneous actually made us getting kicked out of Cancuns most popular night club.. So, not always a good thing. But hey, bad decision makes good stories! Right now our spontaneousity have got us sitting for 12 hours at Dallas airport where we're having a transfer before flying to a extremely random this-doesnt-make-sense-to-us-destination where we're arriving to tonight. Extremely spontaneous destination we are not in anyway prepared for, but we decided to do it just because #whynot. Yes that's living.
12 days in Mexico - Feel Good Photo Mix
Of all the waves in your atmosphere
Kaskade - Never Sleep Alone
There's a heartbeat. Somewhere. Love, I'm gonna find you there.
In the darkness. Sleepless. Love, I wanna have you near.
This is the times I call myself a #BRATPACKER. #VacationfrommyVacation. No but let's be honest, a picture tells a lot but not the whole story so let me tell you - I don't like this. I don't know if I just had a bad day because I'm sick or if it's just how I truly feel, but I just don't like it. However freaking perfect it looks like - laying at a fancy #beachclub, in #partyheaven #Cancun, filled with plenty of party #springbreak students, with loud #loungemusic from the speakers, looking out at the #deepblue ocean, feeling like everything is straight out of a #goodlife movie, the perfect #partyscene, I can't find the joy in it. And it frustrates me so much, because I wanna like it, because I LOVED this 5 years ago, but I think life, travelling the world, changed me.. #notmything.