A life without Purpose

I'm missing something extremely important in my life and I think that's why I've been a bit down the last few months and I just haven't been able to figure it out why. I thought it was all the partying last summer that fucked up my head and I wasn't feeling like myself months after because of that. But it isn't that. And I think I figured out an answer when I was lonely walking the streets of Taipei thinking the thought "I have no idea what to see and what to do, and I don't even care, I just wanna walk". I'm down because I'm missing a purpose with my life. No wonder I felt so incredibly good the whole last summer, because I had a job! I worked full on 2 weeks every month, the other 2 I was free but I knew it was only for 14 days and I needed to enjoy it to the max before I returned back to work. I had a purpose. All the time. At work and during the travel. I'm not sure routines is what I need, but a purpose. Everyone needs a purpose in life to feel happy.
 
Since the job stopped in September I haven't had a purpose. I mean, a purpose doesn't necessarily mean a job you wake up to and go to everyday, it could be a workout or change of lifestyle goal, writing, creating, whatever, and even travelling could and should be with a purpose too. But the travelling I've done the last 6 months have been without reason, I've just randomly picked destinations. I see a country on the map I haven't been to and I go, without knowing anything. Fun, cool, adventures I guess, but no - I have nothing to look forward to do, I can't build up expectations, I just go without a purpose or reason or meaning. Just because I can. I didn't go to Uruguay because I knew something amazing was there. I didn't go to Tokyo because my dream was to see the worlds biggest city. I didn't go to Malaysia to try to find a flying lemur. The things happen on the way, which of course is amazing, but I don't know what I'm going to. I'm living that quote and mindset I've had for years that I "take it as it comes" and "going with the flow" and I will figure things out on the way, but fuck that. It obviously doesn't make me happy anymore. In a random super small village in Uruguay on a wall the text was written, in Swedish: "bara döda fiskar flyter med strömmen". Think about that Jess.
 
I need a purpose. A quest. A mission. Something. And something more than just "I wanna see the world". This week I'm going to The Philippines, and I'm going there because of the purpose I wanna surf. Let's see if that mindset makes me feel better.
 
But at the moment I'm not happy or excited going to new countries or places. I'm forcing myself to it and I'm lying to myself I wanna go. I don't fucking wanna go. And totally understandable, why the fuck would I wanna go without a reason? Ofc my feelings for travelling have changed during the last 6-7 years I've been on the road. And since I left and moved away from Denmark over 2 years ago I've been travelling constantly and stayed max for 1 month at the same place. Travelling isn't longer a new experience for me, ofc it is because every new destination is different, but in the end it really isn't. And it's okay. Guess why i loved the Camino walk? That's right, because my biggest purpose in life during that time was the simple fact and thing that I needed to get up every day to just walk. So simple, but it was my goal and purpose and I fulfilled it every day and I loved the feeling it gave me of doing what I needed to do.
 
 
I've decided I will take a break from this way of travelling I'm doing right now. I will wrap up my Asian journey in about 2 weeks and do what I've wanted to do for every single day the last 50 days - go to Miami. Not just to hang out there, to do something. Work out, do the modelling, learn Spanish, do 1-2 weeks trips here and there, I don't know what but something that feels more meaningful to me than what I'm doing right now. A purpose.

Kommentarer
Postat av: Isabel

Jag levde också en lång tur det där "go with the flow" och ta det som det kommer mottot och hände samma för mig. Kommer ingen vart. Så sant som du säger, så otroligt viktigat att ha ett purpose med livet! :)

2017-02-06 @ 19:18:11
Postat av: J

Varför börjar du inte studera turism? :) Du har ju mycket erfarenhet av olika länder och kulturer, så kunde vara något för dig. Typ jobba som reseguide. Man träffar massor av nya människor och en dag ser aldrig likadan ut. Finns stora möjligheter att byta land ofta också.

2017-02-07 @ 16:44:31
Postat av: Anonym

Ääää! Studera inte turism, det är i princip värdelöst. (Sorry alla turismstuderande.) Välj i stället ett språk, t.ex. spanska om du gillade det. Alternativt lär dig ett språk + marknadsföring/ekonomi. Eller ett språk + någon ettårig utbildning till reseguide. Du skulle ju verkligen ha nåt att ge turister som söker mer än det traditionella ;) Jepp, nu har jag bestämt vad du ska göra ;) nå nej.

2017-02-07 @ 19:40:16

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